i pray for a miracle :)

and after a year, here comes a new entry. (matagal na rin akong hindi nakapagblog kaya goodluck sa akin). actually, i don't know what to write. pero may kaibigan kasi ako na gusto niyang magpost ako dahil gusto niyang magbasa. (so you, who are reading this right now, oo ikaw na mas nakakaalala pa ng account ko dito kaysa sa akin.. haha, ito na ang aking just-for-the-sake-of-posting blog XD)

so where to start? the first thing that came to my mind awhile ago was about my identity crisis. it's not the personality-oriented kind of crisis. it's more of a profession-oriented type. that's right. i have no freaking idea of what my profession will be in 4 or 5 (maybe 6 but hopefully not) years time. by the way, i wrote about this na in multiply. and You-who-know-my-account-better-than-i-do also knows that i am shifting out of my department/institute this coming sem. however, as i type these words on the screen, i still haven't made up mind as to which course to take. i'm not sure either if i'm the directionless kind of person. what i'm sure of is that i want to work for UN as soon as possible. i mean, i know where i'm going, well, at least i have decided already on that part. the only problem is i don't know which route to take. i tried taking the much more challenging route and my parents are discouraging me to continue on with that route. they want me to take the road more traveled, maybe the cemented kind of road where people could easily pass by with less harm accompanying them. as far as i can remember, i have been taking those bumpier type of roads ever since ever i think (not that i have much confidence in me, but somehow i tend to choose them because i know it would be really great if i could overcome them. anyway, this is getting a little off point already). so back to the roads more traveled, i still don't know which would be best for me. i need to find a course that will suit my desire of working for the UN and at the same time i need a course which will help me keep my DOST scholarship. yes, the scholarship part is really holding a big role in this whole shifting game, as in really. and that's another problem.

i need my scholarship so that i will remain in the university of scholars. my family is in a difficult time right now (business booing) therefore it is hard for my parents to sustain our (my sister and i) schooling expenses. kaya ayun, ang scholarship ay talaga nga namang isang napaka-importanteng bagay para sa isang taong naghihirap sa buhay. (yehey, nakapagtagalog din ako.. haha. to take things on a brighter side).

anyway, i just hope that i will find the right course for me before i go back for the enrollment. and i hope that my dream won't shatter, that i won't break it or i won't change it. it irritates me to hear people telling me "bata ka pa kasi, sige lang, magbago din yang ginaisip mo ngayon. pagkatapos ng ilang taon iba na rin yung gusto mo". i mean, mother wouldn't it be better to just support your child with what she is dreaming of instead of being so positive that those dreams won't come true? because for me, a child's dream is the most sincere and honest hope that man can find in this planet. instead of subconsciously brainwashing someone, just try and support him or her in reaching goals. maybe that's why some people abandon their dreams in the end; they also developed in them a different perspective. now i pray for determination and i hope that my dream won't change. it's for a good cause too right? so why must the universe not conspire to make a little miracle like this to happen? /:)