bitter day

i very much dislike this day. today has been once again full of bitterness, frustrations, disappointments, quarrels and misunderstandings. during the past few days, we have been stressed and fed up with all these negative feelings for almost about everyone and everything in this world. we've spent our days backstabbing people in every opportunity we have had. we released all our anger, frustrations and bitterness, well, i thought all of them.
I'm the type of person who dislikes getting angry at others for i find it very exhausting, tiresome and stressing. i have this so-called free-floating anger. as a result i tend to allow others to keep on giving me reasons to get mad at them, reasons that just accumulate all by themselves. this leads to all the backstabbing and release of bitterness that i have been willingly doing for the past days. however, i never wanted to continue on with this daily routine for the rest of the week or for the rest of the month that we have left in our school. that's why i wanted this to stop.
now a person whom we felt disappointed with came to talk to me. she explained her side and she gave me a reason why she was able to do the thing which triggered our bitterness. in hearing her side, i then realized that we might have been narrow-minded after all and that she didn't really intend to hurt us especially a friend of mine. i felt that we have just been so fed up with the person she was with that time that we didn't even bother to think that maybe some circumstances happened that's why she appeared so guilt-free that time. upon hearing this, i thought that this was just another misunderstanding between friends that could be settled sooner or later.
i thought so too that my friends did not know exactly her side of the story so i really intended to share it to them. so i went up to them and i asked if it's okay for me to share something which i knew as another source of bitterness. someone told me that she was not in the mood. another agreed that i go ahead and share the other side of the story. therefore i started sharing what has been told to me. however, i was immediately cut off. this irritated me a little bit because first you agreed but next thing i know you're cutting me off and you're covering your ears already because you didn't want to hear another word of what has been said to me. with these actions i knew that i will just have to shut my mouth and try to understand your feelings. so i said nothing more.
what hurt me most awhile ago was the cold treatment you were giving me which i knew so well to be reserved for those people whom you were bitter with. i was wondering how you could treat me that way when what i just did awhile ago was share to you guys the other side of the story which was also shared to me. i wasn't trying to persuade you to befriend each other once more because i knew that your thoughts were really far from it. i wasn't also trying to influence you to think that it was just a simple misunderstanding that could be fixed overnight. i was merely sharing something to you and if you have just allowed me to finish awhile ago then you would have known that i would really leave you to decide for yourselves whether to treat the girl in a bad way still or not.
i never thought that one morning we are such friends and after a few hours or so you were giving me the impression that you just can't say it in my face that you're irritated by me. i wasn't also prepared by the fact that you texted a common friend of ours that you were already going home and you didn't even bother to text me, and i believe we were the ones going home together for the past days.
oh well, I'd take this as another normal thing in the world that totally sucks and is really exhausting to entertain.
*how nice it is to have a friend who does not easily hate you for simple things that you have done which appear to be awful without the help of explanations and all. hai nako.. sana matapos na ang mga bagay² na 'to and ewan ko ba sa mga tao ui. basta effort magalit na eh.. and it's just up to us if we allow people we're bitter with to destroy our day and to escalate our anger. in my case, i don't want that to happen. so I'm gonna do my best to be as numb as possible; even if being hurt badly is the only process of becoming one. a few more weeks, that's all we've got.