it's the end, and this one's late, i know =__=

hmmm.. i know this is already late but i feel like it's really time for me to express the things I've been trying to be numb of.
yes, last March 25 there came to be 91 ethereal graduates of Pisay. the graduation brought about two common and simple yet strong emotions: joy and sadness. i was thinking that it is indeed the time for us to step on the center stage and take that final bow. i didn't want to get too emotional about it and so i was acting like i was already showing all emotions i have. i was kind of afraid that maybe i will breakdown and i didn't want to cry. i just didn't want to reach that point. so the start was just the way i wanted it to be. there were these other parts of the program that took my thoughts far away from graduation. i was listening to the speeches. i was listening to the speakers and how they were delivering their speeches. criticisms were made in my mind just when i was feeling drowsy because of some monotonic voices. and then, i found myself among people standing and preparing to do a simple act of transferring our caps' tassels from left to right. how simple it was and yet it did summarized our high school life. all of our tears, laughter, pains and joy were concluded by that simple act. how happy our faces became when we were declared graduates, yet i knew just like me, hidden behind those smiles was sadness as the realization of the end of high school began to sink in.
the graduation song came soon enough. i felt that it was just the final thing for us to do right before our high school will end. i stood in the bottom row and almost directly in front of me stood Ariella who was going to conduct our singing. it's like the only phrase in my mind was "this is it." we were already singing, and hearing the music brought goosebumps to myself mainly because the song was really true to us. then as recy, kimC. and i held our hands together during the chorus i was already fighting back tears. i didn't want to cry in front of all those people. however, it was difficult to stop those tears from falling. there even came a point when i had to stop singing because i just couldn't sing anymore. those tears will indeed fall if i continued singing the song. and then, the last "unfold" came and we bowed down. teary eyed, i went back to my seat.
after some oath-taking, the Mancom, faculty and staff had their recession. but in the middle of the columns of seats, some of us were bidding farewell to our teachers, some of which stayed with us for 3-4 years. we were supposed to have a recessional too but then we were already hugging and saying goodbye to one another. we were just crowded there unmindful of the fact that we didn't have a proper exit of the gym. left and right, people were hugging and bidding farewell. left and right, there were tear stained faces, genuinely happy ones and faces with eyes searching for specific people. during this time i was far from tears. then i saw James in sweat and tears and memories of our friendship went back to me and then i found myself crying. tears which i fought back moments ago were then flowing freely. i was really crying. maybe it's because he's one close friend of mine and i just knew that our visions of him being with us in Manila and playing for the UAAP wasn't just going to be true for the coming school year. and so i was already crying while hugging other people after. all of us were emotional that time.
and for the last time, our batch had our own vanity session together. trying to make sure that those moments will stay as clear as ever, trying to make sure that there will be proofs of those moments. we were making memories together in pisay for one last time.